The darkness corroded all it touched.

That was the truth of the matter, and the light of the world was the only thing that could stop its terrifying encroachment. He was safe in the knowledge that it was he that was the light of the world, the steel of his mind the barrier against all things malevolent. He was the Great Preserver. He was Lord Ethal. Lord of Order. For there is no problem that cannot be resolved with chains.

—

Creativity is awfully hard sometimes. I think because there’s just so much potential for distraction, and so little time. To work, then to socialize, then to eat / drink / maintain one’s house, and finally to relax – what time does that leave creativity, if one has to eat? I have not yet learned how to write with my hands occupied and my mouth full, so perhaps I will just have to develop telepathy. The universe has apparently left me little other recourse.

I have been writing several short stories set in the fantasy world I have created and intend to share, the one ruled by Lord Ethal, and I hope to publish them on the site when I am done, or make them available to patrons, at least, as sort of an extra bonus. I had a Just this morning (Happy New Year!), I basically came to terms with myself and said, look, okay, you’re tired. I had really been trying to get the Silent Hill 4: The Room video out, but the script, as close as it has been to completion, always has more to give. So I spent time honing it and adding more bits here and there, and I think what I have right now is a version of the video that could be good, but not as great as it could be. I want to spend time and get it right. But I also want to do creative things. I want to make games, and write stories, and even learn how to do sprite-work for a 2D CRPG. Maybe even make some music (not that I can play any instruments). There’s so much I want to do – and on top of everything, work and help to keep my loved ones afloat while I do so. The quote at the top of the article there was something I wrote merely to jog my imagination. It worked, but there are still too many things, pulling me in too many different directions! Too many things to do, and never enough time.

I’ve also been working on tabletop campaigns for two groups at the moment, both adjacent in theme but different in approach (an inevitability given they are two completely separate groups of people). What works for one group might not work for another. I have found that after the first few sessions, things really snowball and players begin to immerse themselves in my worlds to the point that they will be suggesting plans and plothooks and all kinds of things, chasing whatever threads they want to chase. I have done this for enough years now to have a pretty good handle on spinning a yarn out of nothing, improvising from just what the players give me, and honestly, that’s enough. The point of what I do is to make an enjoyable experience for everyone – even if I do happen to throw in some moments for myself here and there, moments of power fantasy that I can give to the players, or moral choices that are so difficult I give the players pause to consider them. Much like my taste in video games, my campaigns run the gamut from swashbuckling action-heroics and epic clashes, to crushing moral dilemmas and daunting psychological horror. My campaigns (and my writing) are a reflection of myself. I hope that when I publish stories and games, I will be able to provide the same kinds of experiences that I am able to provide to those players I am honing my craft on.

I have had a great year. I did lots and lots of stuff, and managed to make a lot of it interesting, I think. I’m still learning the ropes, still finding balance, still trying to learn what makes good video editing, what is interesting – I think I am too obsessed with long shots, with fades, with trying to make the videos too melancholic. That makes them good in a certain way, from my perspective, but I recognize it also makes them sort of dull and unwatchable at certain points. A good way to end a video, not a segment, I think.

There are loads of great horror games I plan to load up on this year. Lots of experiences I’m really looking forward to having. And from those experiences will come new things, just as I made in 2023. I am anticipating all these fun things in my mind that I will produce, when I manage to actually have the time and the energy to make them. Finding that balance is the very, very difficult thing.

Reflecting a bit more on 2023 specifically, I wanted to recount the five best games that I played (and finished), in the little time that I had to spare.

5. Marvel’s Spider-Man 2

In the year 2023, it is a testament to the quality of a game that I sit down to finish it in its entirety. In between working three part-time jobs, full-time study, and producing stuff for my blog and for YouTube, it’s a wonder I got to finish anything at all.

And sure, Spider-Man 2 definitely has its problems. Its main one is that it is coming at the tail-end of our world’s fascination with the cape and the cowl. Superheroics on a large scale have become exhausting. Crisis events everywhere! Every hero must save the world! It is one of the worst trends about superhero stories, and I feel it always has been. An end of the world plot has to feel earned – and Spider-Man 2 doesn’t manage to stick that landing for me, either.

It’s also coming at the tail-end of triple-A open-world saturation, and our desire to see bigger and bigger sandboxes to play around in. But the game is redeemed by a pretty great villain in Kraven the Hunter, who really steals the show in every scene he’s in. He is compellingly tragic and also perfectly stubborn and evil in the way that comic book villains can be.

It’s also redeemed by the fact you’re Spider-Man, duh. Using the mobility that only he can provide, Spider-Man 2 gives you “web wings” as well as web swinging, meaning you now don’t have to run awkwardly through a park or across dead spots where there’s not much to swing off of – instead, with just a touch of a button, you can open up your wingsuit and fly until you can swing again.

The game’s story is a bit wonky, particularly by the end, but I think it’s a testament to how hard developers are forced to work in these triple-A studios that the game came out so playable and so fun in the smaller moments. When it’s not trying to be an apocalyptic, epic comic book story, and instead about, y’know, being the Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Men, Spider-Man 2 excels. When it’s a story about a man wanting to go out in a blaze of glory, versus a man who wants to save everyone he can, no matter the consequences to himself – that’s where it feels like it has stakes that I can relate to. When he feels vulnerable – that’s when it lands.

4. Mundaun

A lonely trek through a practically forgotten mountain village in the Swiss Alps. The snow drifts down from on high, and your boots crunch through the layers of ice. You can almost feel the cold radiating out of the screen, the stylized hand-drawn art style giving everything an authentic, folksy feel. It is a deliberately rural horror game, built out of thatched lines and clay-baked textures. It is charming, and simulationist in its approach in some aspects. The eerie monsters erode one’s confidence, causing your weapons to shake from side to side in your hands. Coffee steels one’s nerves – but to make coffee, you need water. And you need a pot to collect it in. Then you need coffee grounds. Then you need firewood. Then you need matches. Then you need to wait for the water to boil and the coffee to brew. Then you need a cup. All of it seems like it could be frustrating, but exploring to find these resources, delving into abandoned houses and avoiding strange monsters – this is the stuff that my dreams are made of.


It is a game that lingers long after I’ve played it. It is not a particularly challenging, nor frightening, experience, unfortunately. But it makes up for it with its atmosphere, which puts countless other games to shame. If it doesn’t have much to recommend it in terms of scares or challenge, it manages to still be eerie and strange, and heartwarming. A story about resisting evil can just as easily become one about giving in. Something about a road and good intentions, I think.

If you’re interested in a game that creates moments of uncertainty and mystery (and has a talking goat), then this game must surely make its way onto your list. With a compelling mystery to unravel, interesting characters to meet, and fun secrets to find (who doesn’t like sled races?), Mundaun will surely be one that players of the future come back to, in order to make overlong video essays about. Couldn’t be me.

3. Stay Out of the House

You might have watched me play this game, and I have to say, it’s pretty bloody good. A call-back to all kinds of slasher movies, as one would expect from Puppet Combo, they iterated upon their previous formula by making a house that is interesting and fun to sneak around. It is so tightly designed an environment that it becomes, perversely, just as familiar as one’s own home. The vent systems are easy to navigate, but hard to get back into. The man who abducted you, the Butcher, is one sick bastard, and you can watch him hack up corpses routinely while he listens to monotonous religious brainwashing.

Saving other characters is rewarding, and yet it’s so easy to lose them. Trying to save the other victims of the Butcher also resulted in one of my favourite stream moments of the year, where a character, even after death, screamed help meeeee, over and over and over again without end. His was an eternal torment, a burden that he took upon himself. What a noble soul.

The horror comes thick and fast, and it’s also very easy to start making fun of your captors. As granny misses you yet again, she becomes just another stupid speedy obstacle to avoid. As you switch off the gas that the Butcher flooded the vents with, you watch as his absent-mindedness comes to haunt him, and he treks back downstairs to hack up more corpses. It is a game with limitations, but those limitations merely add to the feeling that the game is something produced with intended flaws. The horrible, inhuman screech that the Butcher produces – that’s something out of a nightmare. As he comes screaming at you down the hallway, hammer flailing, there is barely any time to think before he’s on top of you, smashing your brains out, and then trapping you in yet another religious-brainwashing cage. The game gets more difficult the more he catches you, and he gets cleverer the higher the difficulty is. Security cameras get installed; he gains a sense of where you like to go more and more often – it’s a layered and clever game. Better yet, it’s actually frightening, and frightening in unpredictable ways. You never know when or where the Butcher is going to strike, and if he chooses to show up, there’s no doubt he’ll make an entrance. Not even hiding can save you – sometimes, he’ll flip up a bed or a table to find you there, and start killing you for that transgression.

Sure, there are a few glitches, and sure, a few of the puzzles are a bit too obtuse if you ask me, but overall, this is a lovingly made game that deserves to be played by more people.

2. Blasphemous 2

Whew, what a triumph this game is. Phenomenally good from start to finish, with complex, motivating bosses and a variety of gorgeous environments to explore, Blasphemous 2 is easily one of the best games I’ve played. Slick movement compels the player to explore ever-more depraved and darkly gothic environments. It is very easy to point to the previous game and say “well, this was darker, more atmospheric, more impressive” – which, okay, maybe the first game is.

But on going back to try to replay the first game, I was confronted with just how dramatically improved everything else about Blasphemous 2 is. And the atmosphere of Blasphemous 2 is still to die for, it’s still phenomenal! It’s gothic religious horror, dialled back here and there, but still up to eleven particularly in later parts of the game. It’s nasty, it’s brutal at times, and it’s haunting. It is a story about human misery and about how we are both compelled to believe in something, and compelled to doubt.

It’s also just so, so much fun to play. Sliding, double jumping, air-dashing, teleporting upgrades, a variety of weapons, robust fighting mechanics, challenging fights, amazing exploration – this game basically has it all. It is a superb achievement, one that should be recognized as one of the best in its genre and in its thematic approach. It is enjoyable all the way through, and barely stops for a moment. There’s something new and interesting around every corner. Secrets are everywhere, and upgrades come thick and fast. New opponents are worth figuring out. Bosses are awe-inspiring and almost all of them are just so fun to experiment with and to fight. I wish there was an easier way to fight bosses again instead of playing the whole game through, because some of them are so well-put together, so beautiful to look at in all their horror, that it’s hard not to see them as the cornerstones of the game. The beautiful movement and combat merges with the inherent desire to turn the penitent into paste. Blasphemous 2 is such a rewarding game – I am very, very glad I got to play it. Fantastic. If this short list was just about games that released this year, this would be my game of the year, easily.  I adore it in ways I cannot yet adequately describe.

1. Yakuza 0

Could there really have been anything else? As much as I loved everything else I managed to play this year, Yakuza 0 dominated my time and, even in the annoying bits, reminded me why I was putting so much time into it in the first place. It is an absorbing experience; one moment a heartfelt crime drama with serious emotional weight and stakes; the next moment it is a game about beating some jerk who thinks he’s better at dancing than you.

Two characters, with three fighting styles each, make playing the game a constant experiment. What if I try this? What if I follow this combo with this style swap? What if I use this part of the environment with this weapon? Kiryu’s styles are each fantastic, but Majima is the real star of the game. He feels ten times more vulnerable, with all of his styles being deliberately filled with tricks. He’s a scrappy fighter, and a fantastic character. I had just begun to get attached to Kiryu, and when the story switched to Majima for the first time, I felt a bit frustrated. But then by the end, I just wanted more Majima, even if the final boss of the game is still one of the best experiences I’ve ever had in video games.

I spent almost two hundred hours on Yakuza 0, and at least another hundred listening to the soundtrack, which powers the whole experience through to a level beyond just “amazing”. I was stunned that the game could still provide me with a level of enjoyment this rich a hundred hours in – one hundred and fifty hours in, I was still having fun picking fights with random thugs to see how far I could push my skills that time. Managing a cabaret club apparently was something I was born to do. In another life, maybe, I could have been a stylist.

The game is at its best when it successfully goes from emotional speech to all-out brawl, and also when its inherent absurdity is tempered with the most important quality of storytelling – human feeling. Yakuza 0 is a very human game, and I think that is why I love it so. It is not merely about brawling, though they got that very right. It’s about human beings, struggling through circumstances beyond their control, and doing the best with the hand they got dealt. It creates irredeemable monsters, cold-hearted scumbags, righteous heroes, and brave people. Humans are the most important part of any game for me, and they always will be.

And, for the favourite games I streamed:

SILENT HILL ORI GI NS

Travis in a cowboy hat. ‘Nuff said.

But seriously, Origins is such an interesting game. It is so broken and weird in so many different ways, that you can’t tear your eyes away. Even more interestingly, there are a few glittering moments of genuine emotion, moments where you actually start to feel something. Then the game tears them away, with a combination of weird storytelling, bad pacing, and poor acting. Not to mention overlong segments of walking back and forth across two worlds.

But it was all worth it for that single, perfect moment at the end of the stream, where I pulled out the cowboy outfit that had been subtly foreshadowed in the first stream. Magic.

Silent Hill 3

I will always love this game. Every replay just illuminates how much I love it even further. It is gorgeously grotesque; every sound, every sight – all of it is special. And what a privilege it was to get to play it all in one sitting on its twentieth birthday. It was a great day, and one that merely deepened my love for it. I actually plan to get my videos on 3 out this year. The ones I’ve been wanting to make for ages. But even if I wasn’t able to make them last year, I still did the five-hour stream, which I am exceedingly proud of. Really love this playthrough and everything I was able to achieve. In future, when hopefully I can actually stream more regularly and actually from home, this kind of stream is one I’d like to be able to replicate. I hold this one very dear to me.

Finishing Pathologic Classic HD Bachelor

That was a year ago?! Phenomenal. I don’t know where the time went, I really don’t. It’s absurd what happened to 2023 – it feels like I had all these plans and things I still wanted to do, but then my body and my mind said no; COVID said no; my schedule said absolutely not. But I was still able to finish Pathologic Classic HD and the Bachelor’s campaign, back in March of 2023. This was another playthrough I hold really dear to my heart, because I think I was really able to articulate so much of what I love about this game. It was the game that transformed my life, of course – the one that got me to this stage in the first place. I tried to see and do everything, which I didn’t quite achieve, and there were a few things maybe I would have done better, but it’s hard to think of exactly how I’d have done certain sequences better. I felt the commentary I gave became more and more confident, more and more engaging, as the playthrough went on. I grew into myself thanks to this playthrough, and thanks to the Changeling, fittingly I continue to grow even more.

Hi Clara 🙂 Don’t forget your girlboss gun on the way out.

Thanks to everyone for supporting what I do. I hope to see you around this year again. Have a great 2024, everyone – here’s to a fun year.